Friday, December 28, 2007

So here I am. Blogging at 3.40 a.m. on the 28th of Decembeer. I guess now's a good time more than any other to do my end-of-year post since I'll probably be swamped for the next 3 days. Then it'll be the first of January already.

And it's incredible how time flies. How all the friendships forged in less than a year could mean so much in such little time. That's really amazing.

525, 600 minutes
525, 600 moments so dear
525, 600 minutes
How do you measure
Measure a year

In daylights
In sunsets
In midnights
In cups of coffee

In inches
In miles
In laughter
In strife

And I am grateful for many things in my life, especially the people that God has placed in my life. And I'm really, really glad I came to SA and not to AC, not because I don't like the school, but because God would not have been able to do this much in my life. People.

Cinthia, Nick: I know that I haven't been the best cell group member, and that the both of you have been trying really hard to get things going in the cell, and that instead of helping I've been more of a hindrance. However, I now can see that what the both of you did was out of love and a desire to do more for God, and really, even if you do not see the rewards coming in in this lifetime, there will be a greater reward in heaven which nothing on earth can be compared to. Remember this everytime you call out stubborn members in the cell who don't seem to want to associate with you, that God sees and God knows.

Matin: From having a great start, to a rocky middle, then a great end; thanks for that talk the other night, and I'm really really glad we cleared all that crap up, and thanks for trusting me enough to tell me those stuff.

Wei Chiang: Whom I've known since the first day of school in O1, and who has changed many of my bigoted, prideful feelings about many things without even knowing he did so. And who I consider my closest friend in JC who I can tell almost anything. And you probably won't read this, but if you happen to, I am keeping you in prayers and that if you need anything, really, I'm just a phonecall/msg away.

The Priscillas! (Samuel, Su, Tan, Khiu): Samuel, whom I knew first in our PAE class, who later became the one to spoil the surprise to which JC I got into for JAE (big surprise, getting into SA, but still!) and whom I really respect and look up to as a spiritual sister, and whom I can talk to about a lot of things (and have!). Su, the girl from PAE's KI, I still remember the talks we had after LTC and stuff like that, and I pray you know what you are doing with your life and that God will continue to lead you. Tan, the self-sacrificial girl who is like best friend to everyone, and who is really strong in God, but doesn't know how to take care of herself :D and how she helped me a lot, and even the fun times preparing for WC's birthday present where we exhausted our brain juices thinking of creative things to write :D:D:D Khiu, whom I only started talking to recently about many things, and who I think is the one person who really knows how I feel. Cos sometimes, that's enough comfort.

Council: I never thought I'd be as close to people in Council as I am currently with some of them, and I really thank God for it, because it's really cool to see how some people can care so much for a group of people. [Ryan, I owe you that talk, I know. Soon, if the time is right.:D] And the crazy times spent laughing over annoying, inane songs ["It's Britney, bitch... ... Gimme gimme more gimme more" and recently, "No one, no one, no o-o-one"], making fun of anything that ends with "a" - chomawi, the Kingdom Heads turning the script into a rap then a musical [Vivian's 'Tribal Chefs'!], the frustrating times arguing over choreography while doing the Teacher's Day Dance AND the Orientation Mass Dances, the long almost-pointless meetings of Functions when we were doing the Teacher's Day planning and many other crazy stuff. But behind the crazy stuff everyone really cares for one another, and that is something I never expected would happen. And that's really cool.

Of course there're more people that have impacted me in different ways, but these are people that actually have helped me through those moping periods, and once again, I am glad for them.

And, of course God. He has made me understand so much this year. And I've really learnt to lean on Him for strength and help. I know that there's still a long way to go, but everything will be made perfect in His time. And this was a good Christmas, because of Him.

What can I give?
What can I bring?
What is a gift that is fit for a King?

I give my heart
Not just a part
I give my whole to Him; I give my life

Reflections. This blog has started off on a really high note, then gradually dropped into a self-reflecting outlet. People change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. At least God stays constant. Because really, if it weren't for His love, I would've given up faith, given up loving a long time ago. Because sometimes, when you cannot see the end ahead, and you don't even know if there's going to be an end, loving can just wipe you emotionally. But to continue trusting and believing and praying and loving - because that's what God did, that's what God is doing, and this is what God will continue to do.

Glory to God in the Highest, forever and ever... ...

Sunday, December 23, 2007

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?

HONESTLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER???

COMING UP WITH QUESTIONS THAT ARE PHILOSOPHICAL IN NATURE; PERHAPS THE QUESTION IS TOO DEEP EVEN FOR HER TO UNDERSTAND AND YET SHE PRANCES AROUND WAVING HER 'SOCIETAL FORCES AND PRESSURES' IN YOUR FACE LIKE SHE'S ALL THAT.

AND SHE'S JUST TRYING TO ACT ALL BITCHY AND SOPHISTCATED JUST TO IMPRESS A CERTAIN TEACHER WHO INTIMIDATES, AND WHAT SHE'S DOING IS JUST A LOUSY, WEAK, FAILED ATTEMPT TO CASH IN ON THE INTIMIDATION BY TRYING TO BE A BITCH HERSELF.

SHE TRIES TO BE ALL DEEP AND ABSTRACT BY TRYING TO CHANGE A PREVIOUS QUESTION INTO A NEW ONE BY PHRASING IT ALL SO ESOTERICALLY BUT IT COMES OFF AS TRASHY PHILOSOPHY WHICH SHE PROBABLY HAS NO INKLING ABOUT.

WELL I'VE GOT NEWS FOR HER. SHE'S NOT DEEP, SHE'S NOT ABSTRACT, SHE JUST LOVES PHRASING HER WORDS IN LONG SENTENCES BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT ALL SHE DOES IS BORE PEOPLE TO SLEEP EVERY LESSON, AND EVERY LESSON IS JUST THE PITS. AND WE HAVE TO ENDURE THAT WHILE STARING AT HER PUDGY FACE.

Yeah.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

This is the way you left me

I'm not pretending

No hope, no love, no glory

No happy ending



This is the way that we love

Like it's forever

Then live the rest of our lives

Just not together



How true.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

And it's been a long time since I blogged.

But lately I've just been thinking about things and reflecting. Okay I always do that, but now somehow there's a certain peace when I think about these things.

I guess God has been showing me different aspects of Him over the years, and the most recent characteristic He's been revealing to me is of His faithfulness.

You are faithful
You are faithful
You are faithful
Your joy is my strength

Then I think of times when I'M unfaithful to God, like doing things I know would displease Him, but doing it anyway because of stupid reasons, and how God would always, always let me come back to Him. And that's one of the biggest lessons I've learnt this year. To love even when you don't feel the love coming back. It's also one of the hardest lessons I've learnt.

Lord You are my guide
I rely on You
I put my hope in things not seen
Your promises all true

But I want to be faithful. To God, to my family, to my friends. To always be the one there for them whenever there's anything. Of course, you can't expect everyone to tell you everything, but I think it's good to just let them know that you're available if there's no one for them to talk to. It's really hard, especially when it seems like the other person isn't responding. But I still want to be that faithful friend.

Always You're with me
Your hand will lead me
My trust is in Your Name

People might consider that weak. But that's the world's point of view. I think God would consider it being meek and strong. And really, it's been hard. But knowing that God is with me and that ultimately, even if I don't see anything happening on earth, there will be a reward in Eternity.

***

These past two days have been sort of busy, hanging out with Khiu (and Jue Ying, at a much later time!) and Danielle, respectively. And there's been lots of talks about this and that. And somehow, at the end of the day, I'm just so thankful for where I am now. Because I somehow have this feeling that I'm exactly God would want me to be, doing exactly God wants me to do, being exactly who God wants me to be.

It seems like when I look back, everything I've ever been through, all the drama from Secondary school and even in Primary school has all been leading up to this point where God can use me. And I know that this stage where I'm at will also be a stepping stone to a higher place God will bring me to.

***

As I was walking along the road just now, I had this scary thought. I don't ever, ever, EVER want to reach a stage in my life where I say, "I used to be close to God. I don't know what happened." I really do NOT ever want to reach that point in life. It'll be horrible. And the thing is, I would always have the chance to step away from God. And I might. Anyone might. But I really, really hope that I would never ever say that, because I just want to grow stronger in God each day.