Blindfolded

Last year in Sec 4 I thought I'd learned a lot in my years in Secondary school. And looking back while I was in Sec 4, I found that I was quite disgusted with my Sec1 & 2 self. And maybe a bit of Sec 3 as well.

When I came to JC, I thought, ooh, new people skills, let's try them out! And I found out (partly by myself and partly by someone who confirmed these feelings) that I wasn't all that popular in the first half of this year either (popular not in the cheerleading sense, but in people liking me or not).

And I didn't realize it! Only after lots of reflections did I find out how God has been quietly at work, moulding me and changing me, and I didn't realize until after I'd been changed.

It was like God blindfolded me, led me through this valley, then when I reached the peak, he took away the blindfold and went, "Look at what you just went through!" And I'm all awe-struck and stuff.

And really, I don't mind God doing that. It's really great, and there's nothing much I can say!

God's just the best!

It's been a long time since I messaged or talked to someone just for the sake of doing so.

And it's been a long time someone messaged or talked to me just for the sake of doing so.

I guess ideas and expectations of friends vary from person to person. And when those expectations clash, then conflict happens. I've personally seen that happen to friends.

So I decided to be passive when I came to JC.

BAD idea.

So recently I've been thinking a lot about people around me and what they mean to me. And I've been questioning my relationship with God all over again, whether my friends take precedence over God.

Sometimes I know that I want God to be first in my life, but putting it into action is so much harder.

It's more due to a feeling of neglect than anything else, but I still strive to, ultimately.

Anyway.

Results are back (okay, it was back really long ago but I'm only blogging about it now, so) and I guess I did well considering how much I studied.

I think I really have to buck up for next year. Starting this year.

I don't want to get straight D's for my BT 1, cos I know I'm capable of more than that. But I have to study. And study.

And KI's IS (Independent Study) next year does not help things.

(Seriously, if KI even has IS, it should be a H3 subject. Sheesh.)

I just found out today that this is the last week of school.

And all I can think of is, "Time has REALLY passed."

I mean, I still can remember my first day of walking into SAJC... Feeling all jumpy and nervous, wondering if people would like me or not...

And looking at the J2s in all their self-confidence.

And I'm going to be a J2 myself in a mere 3 months. 3 MONTHS. That's insane.

People keep saying they can't wait for Orientation to start, but now, I know better.

I'm going to take things slowly, council meeting by council meeting, savouring and enjoying the company of the people around me so I will not regret when we graduate next year.

And God's done so much for me this year. It's been like MAJOR training ground in so many aspects of my life. Things've been dealt with, re-dealt with, discovered, and so on. It's been wild. But good. My character's been really moulded (more into the image of God, hopefully!).

If I actually think about myself at the start of the year, I'm actually disgusted with how I behaved, like how I was disgusted in Sec 4 with the way I behaved in Sec 3, and so on.

But still, God's really been always there. And He never leaves. Which is good for me.

I've been thinking a lot lately.

Not the bad kind of thinking, but just pondering on life and stuff.

This morning, I woke up and I just realised - I'm going to have only a year or so more with my JC friends. Then it'll all be gone.

Just barely a year ago, I didn't even know they existed.

And now, in less than a year, some of them have become really, really great friends.

It's shocking, really, if you think about the time that we all knew each other, and soon everything'll be over.

I hope that we won't be so busy during the 4 exams we're going to take next year that we neglect each other, then regret later on in the year.

But I guess what I'm doing in JC is what I should've done for secondary school, and I'm glad I did so. I've expanded my horizons greatly as a result.

In a year school will end officially for us (maybe even less than that) and I wonder where we'll all go.

It'll be interesting to go to a reunion and see what everyone's been up to. Careers, families, stuff like that. Somehow, I just know that some of the people I currently know will grow up to be great people in the world.

It's so scary.

I'll be twenty in 3 years and a bit.

I'm trying to hold on to youth still!!!

*Chants "I'm still 16, I'm still 16, I'm still 16...*

In a month or so I'll be 17.

And that seems really old.

Age is scary. The future is scary. Yet it's exciting all the same.

I still don't know where I want to be. Or rather, I know where I want to be, but I don't know if that's the path God wants me to take. If it is, it'll be far, far away from Singapore. Or not. But I know I'll miss people.

J2. Then the A Levels (with SATs somewhere in between, or maybe after). Then army. Then university. Then comes my career, getting married and stuff.

I wonder if I'll still have the friends I have now, or if they'll all become strangers like so many friends in the past. I hope not.

Mind you, I've been thinking about all these for a really long time (since Sec 3, in fact), about life and stuff. It's just the first time I'm actually putting it down.

The future.

A mixture of fear and marvel, with a bit of anticipation and adrenaline.

Who knows what the future holds? In 10 years' time, I'll be 26 going on 27. That's an insane, old age to be.

But at least I know God will be with me all the way. And that reality will never change.

PHONE CRAVING

I WANT THIS PHONE. I FELL IN LOVE WITH IT THE MOMENT I SAW IT.

ISN'T IT HOT??? I THINK IT'S SO HOT AND SLIM AND SEXY AND I. REALLY. WANT. IT. BUT IT'S NOT OUT YET!!! BUT I STILL WANT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going swimming tomorrow. Can't wait to deepen my tan!

*B****-snaps Matthew*

HA.

BOO-YEAH PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!

OOOHHH, ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS JUST CAME ON!!!

"Hey, batter batter, hey, batter batter swing!"

Haha.

FINE. I ADMIT IT.

I WATCHED HSM 2 AND LIKED IT.

It's not really a typical DCOM. It's more adult. (That's obviously besides those gross love-scenes of the nudist and the psuedo-singer. HAHA.)

It's just more mature. Their characteristics and such. It's not so perfect like the first one. Ha.

SO ANYWAY, PROMOS ARE OVER.

And I'm blogging after the incredibly long aperture in intervals (I just had to NOT use 'hiatus' cos that is SO common. Ew.) and I'm delighted that the LOUSY PROMOS ARE OVER and I can get on with my life.

And I've no idea how I did, so I'll just have to wait for the results to come out.

AND I have to say God's just been fantastic. Really. He's just SO MAGNIFICENT. Enough said.

"Na na na na, na na na na na na na na na"

Ashley's insane song.

HAHA. I can remember that time I tricked Pris Sam. I was all, "Hey, Pris!!! See?" and I showed her my phone which had the words "You Are The Music In Me (Sharpay's Version)". Obviously, she didn't see the whole thing, and she did that squealy thing she usually does when she's excited, angry, or intense. And then I played it, and put it to her ear. And it went:

"5, 6, 7, 8!"

"YOU TRICKED ME!"

And I burst out laughing.

And she was all indignant and self-righteous as she did that Lizzie McGuire throat-thing. That high-pitched sound. Haha!

So I just came back from Sentosa, where I spent the afternoon with Wei Chiang, Jillian and Pris Goh. It was quite fun. Didn't really think I'd have that much fun with just 4 people (the others, of course - apart from THOSE who were supposed to come but didn't - couldn't come cos THEY STILL HAD PROMOS!!! HAHA!) but we did have fun. Go figure.

And now I'm tired and worn out. Back to Facebook!

You threw a sheep at Ryan Sean.

"FEED ME SOME MORE!"