So today was the last day of school.

Which was quite good - I studied quite a bit. Quite a lot, actually. More or less finished a whole Act from Antony & Cleopatra. Good, good - I'm on track, which is good. Satisfying.

And tomorrow is my last day as a Saint - officially, that is. And with it, one and a half years of SA. [Of course I'll be going back to school for lectures - which kinda defeats the purpose of this concept of 'study breaks', but whatever.]

And, this is also my last post.




GLINDA:
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

GLINDA:
Because I knew you

BOTH:
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA:
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

GLINDA:
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

BOTH:
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Duet)

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better

GLINDA:
And because I knew you

ELPHABA:
Because I knew you

BOTH:
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

I once wrote this song to you, and you told me not to be dramatic. But I don't think I was. I think I was being realistic - at that point of time, at least. And maybe it's true. Because no one knows what the future holds, and you probably don't know the plans I have for my life. But to me, I meant every single word.

Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like if we hadn't met. Maybe we'd both be happier, but maybe not. We'll never know. Perhaps the purpose I had in meeting you was done - and that's why there wasn't any need of me in your life anymore. Perhaps neither of us could have stopped it - maybe God planned it that way.

But if we always spend our lives thinking about the what-ifs, maybes and all, then we'd never move on and merely be spectators of our lives. And at the end, there'd probably be so many regrets that are derived from missing out on the present because of the constant contemplating of the could've-beens.

That said - I always respected your choice, and I always gave you room to choose, and I always tried not to manipulate your choice. I hope I succeeded in what I intended to do, in making everything fair, because I know I told you I'd never fight. And I didn't. Not because I couldn't, but because I believe love isn't something to be won in a battle. It's a choice, and you chose. So I really hope that you are happy with your choice - you believed it to be the best, and maybe it is.

But like I said, we'll never know the future. We might meet in this life - or we might not. So live out the fullest of your life, whether I'm in it or not. And God bless.

So like I said, I'm leaving this blog. Which will remain as the journey of my JC life. Ups and downs - more downs than ups in the 2nd year, clearly. Tomorrow, I will no longer be tied to any school.

Hurray for that, yeah!

Looking back - at everything I've done. I can't say I'm proud of all of them, but they are done. And I know this experience has made me grow. In so many ways.

But it's time to leave, and start it somewhere else. The A's aren't over yet - that I know. But my JC life is.

No more coming to school early in the morning, no more stuffy lecture theatres when the office-people forget to turn on the air-conditioning, no more boring teachers spewing out convoluted masses of words.

BUT!

The friends who were always there, the relationships built/destroyed, the people that helped/hindered me in my JC life - they'll still be there.

And maybe people are the only things that make school worth going for.

Apart from that other 'learning' deal, of course. [Of which we don't. Cos we just learn to 'cynically manipulate the system', as Calvin put it.]

So this is it.

No au revoir - that means we'll meet again - and no one knows about that.

How about a grand

SCHADENFREUDE!

Nah.

Auf wiedersehen! - in tune with the Sound of Music.

Go figure.

:d

"I only date baseball players, and I only watch movies about - "

"Oh, I know. Baseball!"

"No, cats."

"O-kay, so are there any movies about cats?"

"No..."

"What about movies about dogs?"

"Not unless they're cats disguised as dogs..."

"O-kay, what about movies about farm animals?"

"Are they cats disguised as farm animals? - like, cows and stuff?"

"(pause) Tell you what. How about we wait until a movie about cats comes out - I'll keep a close watch... (runs off)"

And that was from Wizards of Waverly Place by Disney Channel.

Now this is my second-last post :)

4 times is a BIT too much, if you ask me. That's it. I'm giving it up.

My hair is so long and shaggy and unkempt now.

It's really, REALLY long and untidy and curly and - well, my Mum says it's nice, but I don't think I'm ready to cut it any time soon. Cos I want to wait until about a week or so before my A's, so it'll be nice and neat [in case the examiner gets, like, totally jealous of the school and tries to prevent as many Saints as possible from taking the exam so as to not wreck the grade curve] and by the time the A's are over, they'll just be in time for Prom and the post-Prom [not even sure if I'm going yet] stuff-thing-ishies.

Speaking of Prom and plans after that, I really can't wait for the A's to come and be gone - and yet I know I'm not exactly prepared. Cos according to my calculations, by the end of this week, I should've done 1/4 of my total revision-slash-consolidation of 2 years of JC work, since there are - give or take - 4 more weeks to the A Levels.

On a brighter note, TOMORROW'S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! Which is real stupid, cos I only have one Math tutorial, and I end at 10.30. Stupid, much.

But on the other hand, that would also spell the last day of this blog - OOH. So this is more or less my second-last post.

It's sad, cos I can't even put what I want to on this blog, explicitly. I always have to hide them under analogies/equivocations/metaphors [throw in slashes and literary terminology reminscient of Mrs Claudine Tan's teaching - speaking of whom she's calling for lectures on my birthday, not that I'm complaining or anything but] - which actually exclude the proses and poetry and stuff, cos that one is different.

Take for example the box of chocolates that I ate today. There was a huge variety, all in one box, of different types of chocolates, and so I sampled each and every chocolate, trying to determine which was the best. Some of them was like wine [ooh look, a simile in a metaphor!] - you kinda got used to the taste after eating more of it, or tried to like it, while others seemed really nice at first, but sadly followed the Economic Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility and got really gross by the time you were having your 5th or 6th piece. However, what I didn't know was that there was another box of chocolates in the fridge - all more suited to my taste, though I didn't know that I liked that taste, until I tried it. Then it gave me a whole new perspective on the first box of chocolates, and I judged each one differently after.

Would you know this analogy was about friends? Actually, come to think of it, I never write like that.

A bit blatant, if you ask me.

Ah.

It's late, and I don't want to spend another day in school being so tired and feeling really crappy and horrible just because I slept late the night before, and not being able to do work and going home early to sleep just so I can stay up late into a vicious cycle.

No thank you.

"It's quite useless to feel any kind of strong emotion toward anyone if the other person is not / cannot be bothered about it."

How sickening is it when you plan to study for one day, and end up not studying at all?

Stupid much.

I shouldn't have gone to the library and borrowed those books.

So I didn't do any work at all today and yesterday.

So I'm telling myself, fine. This is the absolute last weekend that I'm slacking. It's going to be full steam ahead now [I think I said that a coupla months back. Procrastination really has something over my life.] cos I was just calculating, and with 4 weeks left to the start of the A's, I haven't finished re-reading any of my Lit books [somewhat halfway through A&C, and at the start of FOC - not to mention FF, P&P (which is so totally major here) and AP], I've only practiced a few topics for Math [read Vectors - which I have to go back to - the Distributions, Differentiation and I hope to finish Integration tomorrow - which leaves a hell lot more of stuff to do], I haven't STARTED on Econs [that one is so screwed - thank God all the people around me are good in Econs] and let's not even go to KI.

4 weeks, and I don't have much time.

WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING BLOGGING???

I'm going back to school with a big ol' chip on my shoulder. Figuratively speaking, of course - since I can't really plaster a chip to my shoulder [it'd be meaningless, not to mention stupid-looking] and I've never been so driven to work before, so it can't really be old. More new, actually.

And I just finished a book where this girl had a chip in her shoulder - she was some spy and someone was tracking her down, but that's beside the point. Really way off-tangent here.

I've committed my A-Level time-table to memory - which is good.

Now I'm really going to get cracking.

[And I just realized I've got about 2 movie outings this week, not to mention having promised my cousin I'd watch HSM 3 with him. GAH.]

I really have to do something.

If only I could be like the 7 Dwarves - so intent on work.

"Hi-ho, hi-ho! It's off to work we go!"

I'd probably be grumpy.

I just read my previous post and caught a mathematical fallacy.

10 yawns in 1 minute of about 10 seconds long - that's practically impossible, since 1 minute has only 60 seconds. So either I yawned less or the yawns weren't that long. Or it wasn't within a minute.

Ah.

Anyway.

I embarrassed myself yesterday, at Thai Express. Cos I was too lazy to pick up my drink-cup with my hands, so I just tried to manouevre it using my mouth. I picked it up with my teeth, tilted it to drink, and BAM! the cup smashed on the table [thank God it was plastic] and the water spilt all over me, and I couldn't do anything but sit there and laugh.

Wasn't exactly hysterical laughter - just a laughing-at-the-stupidity-of-humans kind of laugh. Those kinds of humour where people trip / scream / get scolded. Kinda sadistic, but funny because we all identify with it.

Right.

It's funny, whenever I go out with Council people, cos somehow we end up splitting into guys and girls. And somehow the girls will end up scolding the guys for some reason or another, and it'd be really Venus VS. Mars or Athena VS. Ares. Mm. Interesting, really.

And yesterday it manifested itself physically when we were going home, where all the girls took the NEL and the guys took the NSL.

It's real interesting to see the difference between the guys and the girls, and somehow, those differences come out all the more when Council people are around.

And it was also really ironic how when, waiting to queue up to go into the restaurant, the girls were the ones in line while the guys went around looking at stuff.

Oy.

One more month 'til the start of my A's.

Oh, the anticipation kills me.

It better not before my A's, though.

With all that studying going on I better at least do the exam before I die.

Kiss me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
I need help believing
You're with me tonight

My wildest dreamings
Could not forsee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me

Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance
And crossed the borderline

And if it turns out
It's over too fast
I'll make every last moment last
As long as you're mine

There you go: another song from Wicked! - "As Long As You're Mine". Been playing in my head the past few days.

Ho hum, eh.

"For the first time, I feel... wicked."

Tired, much.

Sleepy, actually.

On the bright side, I was quite productive today - I think I did Math for about 7 hours or so.

WOW. That sounds like a lot. Which is good. But I'm tired.

It was quite amusing, sitting in the library with half of ZhiYang's iPod blasting into my ears actually listening to trashy pop music like "When I Grow Up", "Touch My Body", etc. while I yawned constantly into Pris Tan's face.

And I really yawned today - I don't know what was wrong with me, cos I think I yawned like, ten times in a minute, and I'm not exaggerating. Furthermore, it was those kinds of HUGE yawns that stretch out for about 10 seconds or so [again, not an exaggeration].

Then it was out to dinner at PS [how BORING, I know - we spend more than half the day in Potong Pasir and the place we chose to de-stress is a 15 minute ride away. How thrilling.] and I have to rememeber to get back at Ryan for posting those gross pictures of me on Facebook.

Ugh.

I think this is a really boring post.

Cos I'm about to fall asleep.

H'm.

"Third time lucky, my eye. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. Period."

And so A did not intersect B.

I found shoes that were nice - but were not in my size, and I actually found shoes that were in my size - but real ugly.

Sad, isn't it. I think I'll have to look to ordering online if I really want a new pair of shoes... How frustrating.

And my Independent Study is really over now.

Cos Mr Fang didn't call me and tell me that there was something crucial that I forgot or whatever, so it's more or less settled.

Yay.

But it was so annoying yesterday, because even to the last second, the stupid IS was trying to get me into trouble.

Firstly, I write my word count wrongly on the Declaration Form, so I have to change the whole form [rather, Mr Fang had to print new ones out for us who fumbled in writing which led to cancellations and stuff]. Then John comes along, nice guy as he is, and edits my work especially my bibliography - which quite saved my life, I think - and so I have an extra page more than I originally did. So I forget to change the total number of pages on the 'Footers' tab in Microsoft Word. Instead, I joyously run up the stairs to the Photocopying Shop, print everything, bind it, go down, and proudly shove it in my teachers' faces. So they're like, 'Check the pages' and I obediently flip through it - and I don't know what it was; perhaps it was my subconsicous mind or whatever, but I start to have a bad feeling towards the end, and when I reach the last page, I see 'Page 14 of 13'. I almost screamed there and then. So I print everything out all over again, run up to get them re-binded [the photocopying lady looked like she wanted to slap me when I told her my problem] and down again, to submit. Happily. And Mr Fang reads it and goes, "This isn't the 30th of August" because apparently, I wrote in 30/08/2008 for the date.

I could have died.

But that was all over and today was NOT productive at all - it took me one whole hour to do one stupid question, even with Ryan telling me what to do and stuff.

Stupid Math.

On another note, I just realized that there are only FIVE more days to Farewell Assembly.

WHICH MEANS I WILL NOT HAVE INSTITUTIONALIZED LEARNING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IN 5 DAYS!!! (University doesn't really count.)

Bittersweet. Perhaps.

"People are much more complicated to juggle as compared to tasks."