And with a breath of relief I walked out of school.

And the demons in my head just went away.

It was a real relief for me, today, as I walked out of school, to know that I wouldn't have to be in contact with anyone else [apart from CCA people] until after the holidays. My mind just calmed and the turmoil within just lessened, and I found enough willpower within me to ask the remaining clamour to shut up.

Then I apologized to God for my bad behaviour. And today - today, I really connected with God once again. It's been so long since I last had a proper quiet time. And peace just really flowed into my soul.

And I'm calm again. I'm fine. I know I can do this, I know that when I get through this month, I'll be alive again.

This is really, really needed - a retreat for my inner batteries to recharge. To not think about anything that would affect me in a negative way.

Just... God. Studies, definitely. But no structured learning, thank God for that.

You know, perhaps shutting the world out does have its benefits. You're just with yourself, and nothing can touch you without your permission.

Perhaps this is hardening my heart, but in a weird way, I'd rather have this for now.

But I'm cool now. I'll take things one step at a time. I won't break down - that I know. It's all under control in God's hands now.

World, kindly get the hell out of my life now. I'll deal with you when BT 2 swings around again.