I guess my mood's improving.

At the very least, I don't snap at my parents anymore. Not that much, I think. My sister's still a bit of a problem, though. Sometimes I wonder if she has any EQ, cos the times I'm obviously emanating a 'PLEASE don't talk to me or don't blame me if I bite' attitude, she still talks to me.

That just made me think of something.

But I'm glad for this calm that's here in the meantime. And I have a feeling my life's back on track.

I'm determined, this time round. Full steam ahead with regard to everything in my life. Studies, dance, God - everything. Except maybe for friends. Call me cyncial or whatever, but I'm just going to be totally relaxed on that now.

Or not. I don't know.

Apart from that sole ambiguous issue in my life, things are pretty much going smoothly. Thank God.

Cos I was just feeling so stressed the other day, and I couldn't - wouldn't - talk to anyone. I was blasting music into my ears and my mind was in a turmoil while I was lying on the couch in the SC trying to sleep, while my head was screaming vulgarities. It was really intense. At the same time, I was really praying for everything to stop. It was like a war-zone in my head.

And that's not the only time I've been stressed.

Been feeling a lot of pressure lately.

Thank God my dad is currently in Bible school now. His mood seems a whole lot better, and he's really nice now. He's just - different. More gentle, I would say.

Meanwhile, I harden up everything so nothing can touch me. Going through this whole deal again.

Ah, but really. I just leave it all into God's hands now.

Emotions are so not for me.

"The last time I really cried, it was in Sec 1. And that wasn't even for a person. It was in church, and I was crying just because. I don't think I'll ever cry for a person. I won't allow myself to."