I've seen you around school... But somehow you jumped out today.

What is wrong with me? I have no idea what I'm doing now. I seem to have no more control over my life. All the control I used to have seems to just have dissisipated.

I'm not sure why. But you suddenly seemed different.

Oh, mean-spirited me! Could I be any more of a hypocrite??? I hate this, I detest it, I want out so bad. This is fucking annoying!

I wondered if I seemed any different to you. I couldn't tell...

I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore. Everything old seems to be going, and though I find some solace in the new, I know it's not what I want.

Maybe? But that look...

I'm getting off. Real bad. It seems I've lost my track, lost my focus, lost my way. And I don't know how to get it back. If I'll ever get it back.

Or perhaps I'm reading too much?

I gained some sense somewhat today. But that was academic. Temporal. I'm longing for some bloody sense to get kicked into me. Something spiritual. More permanent.

Or maybe I'm not.

I really hate this state of limbo I'm in. Neither here nor there. Oh God... Someone... Help me...

I'd prefer to think I'm not...

I need something... Someone... You?

But who knows, anyway.

Lord, I am so fucked up right now... So bloodied all over. And I am at odds of what to do. And I feel I can't do anything by myself... So help me, Father... Before I lose all strength to get up again...

I'll see when I see you again, though ;)