I am... lost.

I don't know myself anymore.

I'm so different from what I used to be... The change is scary.

My awareness is all there... But I feel so lackadaisical. To bother changing anything about it.

I feel like ripping the emotions of my mind and going through the rest of life like that.

I'm that tired.

Of life, of everything.

Ups-and-downs.

Oh, it'd be SO easy to just slam my defences shut and close up. No one would bother me, I wouldn't bother anyone. I'd live my life, and be done with it.

I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. I know I have the ability to change it.

But... I don't know.

I don't know anymore.

Perhaps I never knew.