And as I walked home, I couldn't take it.

I had to let it out one way or another.

And so my eyes slowly dregged up the tears from the reservoir of my spirit which I had sought and determined to be dry, while my soul sighed over and over again in agony.

I was closing up again and I didn't even know.

I thought I had opened up again, after that revelation, but I found out I'd unwittingly closed up again.

I found myself changing over the course of school reopening 'til now, and most everyone could see it. My language became a lot more colourful, even though I stopped doing that years ago. I clammed up emotionally - not physically, for I still spoke to people and could interact and stuff, but I think I shut out all negative emotions possible.

And I found out that if you shut out negative emotions only, you become downright cynical. And that I was. I didn't care about anything, or anyone, I just didn't give a damn about anything that I didn't like.

Furthermore, today wasn't exactly the best day. And after dance, I really couldn't stand it. I found there and then that denying myself love from people was denying myself love from God - because God loves through people. And that's when the hugs I got from Zong Wei, Kai, Chin Meng (who gave me one of the best hugs of my life), Khiu and Amanda suddenly opened me up to God. And I felt God like I haven't felt Him in the longest time.

And as I walked home, the words of a relatively old song came to my head:

Standing tall in this wide space
Getting lost in Your embrace
I see a fire burning brighter
It's calling me to catch the flame

I feel like I'm falling
Over and over in love with You
It's not just a feeling
For I know that it is real

I feel like I'm falling
Into the arms of the mighty God
It's not just a feeling
For I know that He is real

And I know I'll be alright.