I want out of this.

Honestly.

I am so sick of it. Sick of it all. I just don't want it anymore.

I think the worst thing about having a mind that's so aware is that after awhile, it kinda escapes you that you're living in the real world, and when you try to communicate with your mind and do things like that, it falls apart really quickly.

And I really want out. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to have to deal with this anymore. It's really not necessary, unless God is really using this to mould me. But I've really, really had enough. Of myself.

I don't see myself anymore. I just see something resembling a person - but is more or less not. I don't even know what to do, where to start - and just no one. I feel like I have no one.

Of course, I could go all angsty and go, "Well, I've been like that for so long, I oughta have been used to it." But I won't. Because I know it's not God wants. And what I want is so differing from what God wants for me.

Change my heart, oh God
Make it ever true
Change my heart, oh God
May I be like You

You are the Potter
I am the clay
Mould me and make me
This is what I pray

***

REJOICE!
IN THE LORD ALWAYS
AND AGAIN I SAY
AGAIN I SAY
REJOICE!
IN THE LORD ALWAYS
AND AGAIN I SAY
AGAIN I SAY
REJOICE!

COME BLESS THE LORD
COME BLESS THE LORD
DRAW NEAR TO WORSHIP CHRIST THE LORD
AND BLESS HIS NAME
HIS HOLY NAME
DECLARING HE IS GOOD

***

FOR THE LORD IS GOOD
AND HIS MERCIES ENDURE FOREVER!

SING, O BARREN!

SHOUT TO THE LORD WITH YOUR SOUL!

EXALT HIS NAME HIGH OVER EVERYTHING!

PRAISE HIS GLORIOUS NAME!

DECLARE HIS AWESOME POWER AND HIS MAGNIFICENCE!

BEHOLD HIS MAJESTY AND COME WORSHIP HIM!

***

Oh God...

Help.

It looks like you really hate me now. And I don't blame you. I'll always be here if you need me, though. God bless you.