Round and round and round it goes... Where (and when) it stops, only God knows...

So here I get people judging me. From every single place possible.

I wonder what I'm supposed to think.

I'm supposed to fit into moulds that people create for me. Why?

Why not one that God creates for me?

I don't get it.

People assume, and in their eyes I become as such. Even among Christians.

I don't just mean Christians per se, but even in Christian schools. I think it's quite clear what I'm talking about.

Even at home.

I wonder why this dance thing has caused so much oppostition. From everywhere, even from home.

Perhaps there is really something wrong with it. Or, it could be the devil trying to prevent me from doing things. But then again, there could be something wrong with it. It's hard to say.

At least I don't neglect God. Or rather, I try not to. At least I care?

Things are just swirling round and round and it's all I can do to keep my hold on God. Once I let go, who knows what will happen.

Somehow even people with the best intentions add to that whirlpool which is threatening to suck me under and hold me there till my breath dies out.

Then again, there's that group of people throwing out the rope that pulls me out of it.

Both sides have good intentions.

I'm not targetting anyone here, really. But it seems like this year's my training year from God. It seems like anything that could go bad did go bad. And that may not even be the end of it.

But it seems every way I turn, I get something in my face. Then I turn and again, there it is.

But when that thing gets too much, I stop and think. Why would God want this for me?

Then I realize that with everything that slaps me, with every little thing that smashes my face to the ground and tortures me till I'm just barely hanging on, I learn something.

In fact, I learn many things.

And every single thing makes me better in God.

Sometimes it's too much, and I run away. But He's always there to pick me up, dust me, and send me on my way again, never too far in front.

Everyday I pray that God's will would be done in my life. That He would mould me into someone He can use me to.

That's easier prayed than lived through. I know; I've been through it. Some of it and not all, for I know there'll still be things for me to learn.

But with every trial, I just get more and more broken. Broken to the point where I just really give everything up.

When I do that, I find I gain multiplications of that which I lost.

I guess God just works that way.

And that whatever I'm experiencing now would pass. Would culminate into one of my victories. Then when this year is done, I know I can look back and say that God did do a great work in me.

Many times I complain about things that are happening to me. About the could-have-beens. For example, my taking part in more Rapture items.

Yesterday, I fell sick. And I was glad I only had to do two items.

Somehow things always work out in the end, no matter what bad things happen. It all fits together perfectly, and I mean perfectly.

Why wouldn't it?

It's God's plan.